एक कतरा






मैं  फ़िर से एक कतरा बनना चाहती हूँ 
बेताब से दिल की छोटी सी तम्मान्ना है ये 
बेफिक्र सी होकर दरिया में बहना चाहती हूँ 
वो भूली बिसरी गली ही तो मंज़िल है मेरी
उस मंज़र को बस एक बार और मुड के देख लूँ
जहाँ से आई हूँ उस मिट्टी का स्पर्श करना चाहती हूँ 

तुम्हे पीछे मुड़ना इतना मुश्किल लगता है क्यों 
मैं तो दोबारा सिर्फ से एक अंश , एक अणु बनना चाहती हूँ 

A new chapter


A certain epoch in my life has come to an end. The change is sad but not tragic. But it's also essential. A city is your pensieve. She's a part of all your escapades. A part of all your truth and all your lies. She has seen your hugs and roof-top kisses. She has seen you fall in and out of love. She has seen your tears when you thought no one was watching and she has seen you laugh out bloody loud at the cinemas. She loves you without condition. She loves you when you complain and she soothes you with its breeze when you're tired. And just because you're leaving it, does not mean she'll forget you. And neither will you. A part of her will always remain in you. Chennai will always remain the most treasured. And everytime I hear somebody say Poda, everytime I see 1 dosa being served with 4 chutneys, I know I'll smile :)

It is here I've learnt the importance of a family and realised how much I love mine..and no matter how pig-headed I am and how unattached I look, my love for Ma, papa and bhai will ALWAYS grow

...I've met the BEST people and have bonded with them for life..Divya and Shilpa..life never would have been what it is today without you guys..much love :)


...we've found the joy of eating a wet Frankie under pouring rain


...I found Art of Living..the peace in meditation..the contentment in a Satsang..and divinity in a smile :)

 
... that we've discussed everything under the sun. It is her beaches 
 where we've had insights on life, relationships, time, space, career-all while nibbling away on a small piece of tangy raw mango. And the masala corn :)




...I found Floyd - I can never thank God enough for sending Gods to Earth.


...my first job. My first salary. The taste of independence.

...some of the most defining moments of my life..like..University Exams!

...seen drastic changes..like actually reading a text book!

...the first vodka

...the Carnatic music festival


...the first puff

...the concerts

...birthday surprises with TWO cakes :D


...the first real kiss..and the casual ones! :P


...the college fests

...the first real, absolutely kick ass friends of the male kind..Partha and Rohit Bhai..big hug >:D<


...Not too late..City of Blinding Lights..Fix You..Mahadeva

...the first research experience


...Rajinikanth!

...the first awareness campaign

...of course..the first ______ movie! Perverts! I meant Tamil! ;)

...the first turtle walk

...Pondy trips with family and friends

...the first absolutely AWEfrigginSOME 1st April prank :P


...CAT screw ups

...the first Birthday video :) :) :) :)


...crispy dosas in rains...the first colleagues @ ABN and Wipro..Deepa, Sonali, Arjun, Kiran, Paul and Sumathi..BIG thank you :D




...the first B-school calls

...letting my hair grow :D

...the first realisation about myself

...speculating about God, Heaven and hell

...the first case of multiple crushes..Mowgli, the not-so-cute-guy, the oh-yummy-basketball guy and yea..the foreigner too :P

...the very few college hostel nights

...the first road-romeo thrashing. Proud. Very. :D

...Dakshinchitra


For a million more memories, Chennai will always remain the city where I found myself :)

..to the city that sleeps
..to the city whose pace is not maddening
..to the city that teaches us all, that 'speed' isn't everything.
..there's a comfort this city's pace and I pray it stays :)

Adieu Chennai. Namaskaara Bangalore :)

PS: To the depressed Donk-ey and the workaholic Mayya..you guys are terrific and irreplaceable. I'm moving just 350kms away. I'll continue to play a major role in birthday surprises..i'll make it to your weddings ('cuz you guys are definitely getting hitched before me) and I'll also come to the baby showers provided both of you make me the Godmother :P...mwaaaah >:D<



Twisted Logic

Be obscure clearly- E.B.White

Is happiness ever an exclusive event? Exclusive of pain, sorrow, suffering. Is there ever a 100% perfectly happy moment? Just happiness. Nothing else. And can you be happy for no reason? I'm in quite an oxymoronic situation. The battle of the mind and the soul. Why am I unhappy? I called this on myself. I wanted this for me. And now that things are moving the way I wanted them to, why am I not happy. Why am I hoping for a divine intervention to set things right? And if God is omnipotent, why aren't things right ever since they started? My thoughts are my own. Then why are they influenced by what others have to say? Does God take revenge? 'Cuz you questioned your belief and turned agnostic for a fairly long time. Or for reading (and enjoying) The Satanic Bible. Does he get back at you by showing you a disaster masquerading as a ray of hope? Truth is always crystal clear. Like water. It gets muddy, but when the dirt settles down, you'll still be able to see through it. But what if the dirt is soluble? Scared. No. Not another rock bottom. It should just be a straight flight from where I am now. Yeah.


Bharat and Bastards

Dedicated to the martyrs of 26/11 who were brave (stupid) enough to lay their lives for the nation. Jai Maharashtra. Jai Bihar. Jai Tamil Nadu.....Jai HIND.

I can't help but wonder about the magnanimity of this nation. It forever forgives. And we continue to err. We continue making bridges and flyovers with grade-2 materials, burn women, erect statues, donate to Gods with a thousand arms and ignore beggar children with none. And also issue a fatwa  against our own national song. All in all, an issue out of no issue. Or is it? I'm dumbfounded. I want to hit people who have come out with this outrageous decision and others who have comfortably accepted it. Fuck you all. What's next? Asking Muslim soldiers to stop saying Jai Hind? Or issuing another fatwa, this time against the National Anthem. No no, maybe pelting stones at A.R.Rahman for singing Ma Tujhe Salam when he should've been offering his namaz. Do Muslim nations consider it blasphemous to sing songs of praise for their nation? And how the hell is Advani defending Vajpayee from within the Lok Sabha. Shouldn't he be behind bars? I mean he's been accused a lot many times before. For a thousand different crimes! But shouldn't we be beating him to death now that the Liberhan Commission Report (after a friggin' 48 extensions) is out on the table?  Now it's not something new to have a criminal contesting for elections, but him/her being a top-notch politician contesting for Prime Minister-ship?? Beats me.

I'm irritated and furious. I can't write when MNS goes ahead with his gundagiri in Maharashtra Assembly. I can't write when educated people at work walk up to me and tell me why are you North Indians imposing Hindi on us South Indians? Well yes you son of a bitch, the next time you go onsite, introduce yourself to Americans as 'Hey! I'm a south indian!' But that wouldn't matter you know. 'Cuz you'll still be the same old desi who's there to rob them of their jobs. And they don't give a shit whether the desi is from south or north. They just know you're a filthy Indian that smells of coconut and curry and that's all there is to it.

I hated Chennai when I first moved in. And then I fell in love with the place. But you know what, it doesn't work. Cuz you are mature enough to understand, give people space and accept them. But people in turn don't accept you. Cuz all their lives they've been taught NOT to talk to North Indians and oppose Hindi. Did you know that the TN Govt celebrates an anti-Hindi day on 26th January? And I always thought it was OUR Republic Day. The North and South divide will forever remain cuz idiots like Mr.X at work are omnipresent. Chennai shakes my belief that with love and patience you can conquer hearts and stay united. Chuck the philosophy honey, every now and then, there will come a dickhead who will be a tamil/bihari/malayali/marathi first and then and Indian.

The biggest jerk was Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel who took the onus on himself to dissolve the princely states and help India unite. I feel sorry for you man. You were such an idiot to actually think about this nation. The people don't give a damn. Fuck, the janta is gullible enough to allow themselves to be misled. You don't have to be educated to be wise. Hell, my late grandmother with no formal education knew whatever happened in Godhra was wrong. Whatever happens in the North East India in the name of AFSPA is wrong. And yet, this Hindu manager guy from dad's office stationed in Gujarat claims that Modi was right??

Vey very angry. Want to getaway. But shying away from problems will never fix them. And once again, after what seems like ages, the question stares me in my face Will India Survive?

PS: had a debate with Mr.X.  Skinned him :D 
Pps: Much love to V for the discussion on India last night :) India will forever remain the most prized..both as a nation and as a topic for discussion :)


The Horror

A good friend from college delivered a baby girl yesterday! Yay! Good day for motherhood!! But what I just realised is the fact that in exactly a year from now, the baby will start to talk! That my friends will be the time, when life will never be the same again.

The kid will call us 'AUNTY'!!!!!! The Horror. THE HORROR!!

I'm moving to greener pastures where they stick to first names :(

PS: See, this is exactly why you shouldn't get your girl child married the moment she graduates. And from now on, no more awwwww-ing at the sight of every little kid. They're evil.

Ohkay!



So Shiva realised that people are quitting the faith and hence decided to Answer. Therefore, the light at the end of the bloody tunnel that was switched off in the wake of the recent economic meltdow, has been repaired. It's now blinding.

Either ways, I fail to see the fucking road :(

But yes, UPBEAT with the turn of events :D


Argh.

Pissed.

Not well.

Hate my job.

Hate co-workers more.

Single.

Indecisive.

Pending domain certifications.

Bad day.

Sulky. Grouchy. Cranky.

Might have to relocate..to Bangalore of all the places! Hate it hate it hate it.

Love Chennai way too much.

Need a time machine. Or antimatter.

Shiva and Co. are vacationing. Heard that the Jesus guy listens. AND answers. I'm converting.

Experiencing Ethereal-ness :)


I write this as the world around me sleeps and their rhythmic breathing is echoed into  the darkness of the night, as a lazy dog roams to find his dinner, as the rain outside tenderly kisses the Earth and as my typing gently teases the silence that rests at this time of the day. I write this as I try to find myself amid dreariness that has come to become synonymous with a life that’s getting no where. I write this as a pair of eyes look beyond the nimbus to find the dear old moon and as my mind wanders to attain the unattainable. I write this as I realise (on children's day), that the child within me has not died. I write this because I feel nice. It’s the feeling you get when you take the wrapper off the candy. It’s the feeling you get when you smell fresh coffee. It’s the feeling you get when you realize, in a moment, that life is simple. And beautiful. It’s like a dollop of butter melting on your warm toast. Definite and free flowing. From definite to free..towards liberation. Life is past and present. Life is present and future. Life is a play. And a song.


Mokshamu galadaa bhuvilo jeevan..





Muktulu gaani vaaralaku


Life is a Confluence. Of God and you. Of your soul being closely intertwined with those two lines of that divine Carnatic song that soothes you utterly discomposed psyche. Thank you Bombay Jayashri for bestowing the world with 'Confluence of Elements'. An album so aptly named. Confluence of elements. So abstract..so true..about the graceful dance that life is. Waltzing away into the inner core of your being. In perfect harmony with everything around you. A voice so soulful that it breathes meaning and leaves you feeling slightly less solid..tranquil and peaceful..like she just drove you through a maze..to the pot of gold..leaving you covered in this invisible, intangible blanket of happiness..like you lost all your woes..and in the very next fleeting moment found them..so much so that it made you cry..


'irakkam varamal ponadenna karanam en svami'


To Jayashri Ramanathan..for being sanity...for being the ultimate glowing ethereal-ness...for being the realm of almost-reachable liberation...for Moksha

'
does not music
light a spark
fan a flame,
set a soul on fire'


'the fragrance of the flower
the song of the bird
the rising of the waves
the flaming of the fire
the swaying of the leaves
does the wind ever wonder 
why it blows?'


'and the raindrop flows into the river
and the word into the note
and the river into the sea
and the note into the raga
and the sea into the ocean
and the music into the soul
can the raindrop remember
where it lost itself
and where it found itself?'




PS: Pardon my audacity, but Jayashri scores where Subbulakshmi fails. It's daftness on my part that I fail to appreciate the beauty that is M.S.
PPS: Yes dear friends, the Axl-Gilmour-Waters-Cobain-Sinatra-Bono-Norah slave has surrendered to Indian Classical :)


Drink, swear and smile



'sometimes the plan works out itself, just keep your mind open..'



Open to what love..more shit?


'100% of all I have,100% of me and I bloody don't care what the future has in store for me, anymore.'


Reality check baby, God's on a vacation and is watching Sachin play so you can go be a bitch and be all selfish. Fuck the goody-two-shoes jazz, 'cuz seriously, it doesn't matter.


'P.S. I have work to do, so might not be able to come online. But will call you for sure around 11.30. So don't bloat your face and curse me :-) '


That's the sweetest thing you wrote to me in a long long time. It was the time when you were my favourite dress. I wore you every time. Everywhere. What's the point? The crystal slipper is lost. The tale is over. The audience has departed. 


The dearest, almost perfect friend is gone. For good. Time for some swearing. Time for rum and coke on the roof somewhere. Finding Neverland??


The Legend and The Truth

Awe-friggin-some song by Dezperadoz/Desperados, a German melodic Metal band. One of the best I've heard. ENTIRE credit goes to V for introducing them to me :)

Why's the music killer?

1. It transports to you to another era. Rmember the outlaws and the trains and the horses and the robberies. Yeah, that is EXACTLY where they transport you.

2. Makes me wanna do a steamy Salsa with Guy Fawkes. Wild eh?



PS: Your playlist is incomplete without 'Dead Man Walkin'-a soulful slow song meant for the wise. Infact, the album is essential. Period.

Pps: Not meant for Britney inspired, J.Lo. booty gaping and BSB crooning pricks, 'cuz this just might give you a taste of REAL music. What? You're taking offence? awww..go watch Oprah and you'll be fine again.

Droooooool



Well, show me the way
To the next whiskey bar
Oh, don't ask why
Oh, don't ask why

I.N.T.O.X.I.C.A.T.E.D. Falling in love with Morrison all over again. Kilmer drives me nuts for the 953rd time. The movie is genius!

Love ME two times baby...

PS: Doesn't chocolaty Jim look absolutely gorgeous? On a different note--YUM-MY!

Johnnie and Mustaine

'Time has its way of taking time'

Johnnie quotes Mustaine and proves yet again that he's the BEST guy friend a girl can have and He is the high priest (if not God!). The brown bastard is in UK pursuing white chicks, Catholicism and Aerospace Vehicle Design amongst other things. Come back to India you fuckhead, 'cuz I miss you like shit and need to hug you. Why? Why do people who matter always move away? :(

Speculating

I hate. With fervor. And that’s why I have the barbed wires on my side of the fence. But will anger douse anger? When has war achieved peace? The greatest war this nation saw was won majorly because of ahimsa. I’ve calmed down. I still do fight. But not with the same ferocity. The vehemence has sort of died on. But I’m aware that its ‘cuz I’ve grown mature and responsible. I’ve realized that to comprehend my side of the fence and to answer questions that mock me in the face, I need to look at the other side.

But will this falling ferocity lead me to acceptance? Sometime in the future, if they come back, will I be able to accept them? Or if I decide to return, will they take me back? Standing at the crossroads I know that I’d accept a few of them. Jus as they are. ‘Cuz I love them way too much to pay heed to their flaws. Human being is flaw and perfection. Should I dissect him into his many flaws or should I help him hone that perfection to a level that it hides all his flaws? But wouldn’t the latter be like building a brick wall around me? Wouldn’t the brick wall push me into an oblivion where I don’t WANT to look at his flaws? Or am I building this brick wall to protect myself? Incase he hurt me again. Is there a heaven and a hell? And because he has now honed his perfection, his goodness, will he be forgiven and spared that hell?

Contemplating GOD-1


'When you know you own God you will not be in a hurry to get something out of God' -Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Sri Sri also says 'When you have infinite patience, you will realize God belongs to you'. Does that mean that its wrong to be impatient? Is it ok to 'wait' for the right thing to happen? Of course karma calls. Pray but don't forget to lock your car. Yeah..makes sense :)

Love/Knot/Not?


This post has been pending for a really long time. This is another side (and not a counter argument!) to this. Now, to have jotted down all of that, Niki was either high or he really does believe in Cupid. While I believe in love myself, there are certain things about this elusive phenomenon that irritate me. Now N believes in soul mates. And why just Niki, everybody does. Anybody who doesn’t, is a big fat pretentious liar. But my question is not about us. Not about people who are mature enough to date, have break ups, rebounds and bounce back over the week end. My question is about people who never really see love in the same light as we do. About girls and boys who never really understand their own selves but are married off. About our senior folks who never had the privilege to get to ‘know’ the person before tying the knot. Can soul mates be chosen by our parents/anybody else? “The girl/boy you land up spending the rest of your life with-will eventually be your soul mate” Will s/he? My parents got like 5 minutes with each other before they got married. 5 minutes??!! YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! That’s the time I take to acknowledge the fact that a cute guy is looking my way (only to realize that he is actually checking out the hot femme standing behind me!). How can ANYBODY just get 5 minutes with a person and know + come-to-terms-with + accept this other person as her/his soul mate?? Now personally I‘ve not seen a happier couple. Ma and papa are happy with each other. Most of our parents are. But wouldn’t have they made innumerous compromises to get where they are today? To celebrate a 25th wedding anniversary. To build a home. To bring up their kids in a way that they stand bloody confidently on their feet. Is that love or just successfully living together? And doesn’t having to make compromises mean having to compromise on love?* Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. Or was it commitment?

What about those people who live on the streets. Does love really play all that important a role in their lives? Doesn’t sustenance top their charts? Does the guy, who drinks his money away over feeding his children, deserve love? And what about the guy who beats his wife daily, does he love her? More importantly, does she deserve it? Doesn’t she deserve to have a soul mate? Shouldn’t love stay the same irrespective of whether you are educated or not? Whether you’re affluent enough or not? Shouldn’t people get married ONLY when they MEAN their vows and not because you’re fucking 25 and late marriage will result into a complicated pregnancy? Well hello, do I even want to have a child with the person who’s not my soul mate in the first place? And should I not be allowed to pour boiling oil on people who cannot keep their mouths shut?


I try not to pontificate on the nature of relationships. I’ve not been in one for years now. They say that the people who appreciate sex the most are the ones who aren’t having it. I’d venture to say the same thing about love. Sometimes people who AREN’T in love are the ones who most recognize the reckless abandon and beautiful craziness that it is. They know, because like a child, they’ve learnt from watching. They know ‘cuz right now they’re too scared/stubborn/independent to take the fall. Or maybe they haven’t found the one worth falling for. Maybe I don’t have him now. Maybe I won’t ever find him (shudders). But if and when I have him, I’d embrace the fall, ‘cuz I know what it takes.

*Don’t tell me that compromise is out of love. That’s just a ton of shit.

PS: Dad’s budday today! :D me LOVES you puppa :)
Also, A’s b’day today. Think I’ll wish him. After all, Love is all you need :)
What are the odds..current song on the cell phone-Pehla Nasha :)
Pic Courtsey: Chain Mails!

Cranium Conundrum


Being 20-something is the most confusing thing that will happen to you. I've looked back and learnt what I don't want to be. I look at the future and there are so many things that I want to be. All knowing still clueless. Right now, I'm happy. Personally, I couldn't be happier. But the moment I begin considering the happiness in context of just me -- removed from other people, love etc -- it begins to irk. Gnaw.


1. Whenever I’m 100% happy, I fight with ma. Like yesterday.

2. I want to write a book. A bestseller.

3. I want to do a Master’s in Literature/Media & Cultural Studies.

4. But like million others I choose security over passion and head out to write my SOP for Master’s in Labor Relations.

5. I have irritably overactive hormones. I currently like 4 guys.

6. I also own a mature head. No hook-ups/knock-ups, you see :)

7. Weight comes to me like opposite poles of a magnet. And yet I continue to drink piping hot Bournvita every single day. WITHOUT any guilt. Just ‘cuz I really love it. So much so, that I’d choose my cup of hot chocolate over any of the aforementioned 4 boys.

8. I want to achieve world peace. In my attempt to do my bit, I signed up with ivolunteer. But lady luck denied me once again. They rejected my application stating that 24 is the min. age. Ha. Come 2011, I’ll get them.

9. I don’t wanna get married. Period. Don’t ask me why.

10. Next time somebody comes up to me and tells me that I’m doing just fine. And brand Weep-Ro is good. And wait for things to fall in place bla bla bla, I swear to God, I'll slap her/him so hard that s/he will bleed.

11. I’ve learnt that sometimes people you've never met can re-teach you principles that you’ve stood by all your life but have somehow forgotten—all over a gtalk chat. ‘Money is not the metric for everything.. at least not the metric for success’ Yeah, you know who you are. Hugs >:D<

12. I’ve been drunk, except not the way I wanted. I want to get sloshed. BAD. I want an epic hangover. And now that I’m losing my way, I also want to smoke weed. A FULL JOINT.

13. I don’t like the way a couple of other 22 year olds are sorted. Ok, they aren’t sorted. But they’ve a clearly chalked out plan. They are focused on what they want. But I know that’s not true. Nobody wants a fuckin’ MBA degree from a fancy college. They’re just doing it for the money. Like it or not people, I’m better than you. At least I’m not fooling myself. Gaah. But I guess, in the end, they are better off. Turns out, you either do what you like or get paid. Bummer.

14. But that doesn’t mean I’m fickle minded. That just means I want to achieve different thingS. Yes, all this in this one single life.

15. I’ve achieved quite a few things in life. But I envy those who have achieved more. But shouldn’t it be just about me and not comparing me with others?

16. ‘You don’t look for love. It just happens.' However bloody clichéd that sounds, it’s annoyingly true.

17. I don’t like my nose. It’s big. And looks like a freshly fried pakoda.

18. I hate people who don’t vote. Register for your voting cards losers. It takes 10 minutes online. Vote. Or shut up. Next time I hear you complain of anything other than reservation/taxes, you will receive a nice verbal lashing from me. And yes, it applies to some of my close friends as well. It pisses me off but I love you too much to fight with you.

19. I’m losing control over my own life. And the feeling is threatening. VERY. But I’m not scared. When the going gets tough… and Kiran Ma’m had once told me that she wanted her daughter, if and whenever she is born, to grow up like me. To be a fighter :). Happiest moment! Well there you go lady luck, up yours. I’m not giving up. Ever. Btw, Kiran Ma’m, I love you. You’re 1 amongst the 2 teachers I look up to. And your compliment will forever remain the best, most loved and most treasured. You were the first one to have invested faith in my capabilities. Even before my parents. What are the chances, but if you are reading this, THANK YOU :)

20. Reading keeps me very happy. I whine after every random clothes/accessories/perfume purchase. But after every book purchase, you’ll see me smiling. BEAMING. :)

21. Did I mention that I also want to study Religious Studies? Just out of love for learning.

22. I hate people who divide India into two. Oh so you are a North Indian? Well yes Brad Pitt, I’m an Indian alright, which street of Asshole Avenue are you staying in?

Boss is acting like an absolute Hitler. And Weep-Ro has the worst HR policies in the whole god-damn world. You get the point.

PS: Kiran Ma'm was blessed with a boy. Argh.The conspiracy.

Pic Courtsey: www.danschmoyer.com

Road/Map

Dad asked me about the Roadmap.
So I told him about the map.
Turns out, there's no fuckin' road. And the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

I miss A.

All this when I was khamakha happy. Have found a wonderful friend in V. Massive hug to him for being an absolute pain in the youknowwhere :)

PS:
To Div: we need to meet. I need to hug you!
To Shil: Come Oct 30..love you mayya :)

Incubus

Horrible. Horrible.
One that I could taste, smell and feel. One that unlike others, I can remember. VIVIDLY.
One that left a stench so strong, even my most prized perfume couldn't subside.
One that tasted so bitter that one whole bar of Mars couldn't erase.
One that felt so horrifying that rubbing the body lotion for an entire 10 minutes couldn't soothe the shivers.

I hate having night terrors during the day. They're somehow scarier than the ones I have at night. :(


She's Arrived :)


A couple of days back I fought with my parents. For various reasons. And told them I will not join them in Calcutta for Durga Pujo if they don’t let me go to Bombay to meet Johnnie before he finally flies for UK. BUT the dhak beckons. The dhunuchi naach invites. Ma-er mukh leads me to Her. With authority. And I’m NOT going to miss it for anything.

This is ONE time when the agnostic me surrenders completely.

I’ve knelt, bowed and prayed before numerous Durga idols, BUT there’s this thing about Durga Pujo in Calcutta. Hands down- IT’S KICKASS. It’s true of any festival, just like Chhath is best in Bihar, Onam in Kerala and Pongal in Tamilnadu; Durga Pujo is the MOST beautiful in Calcutta. There’s so much magnificence, so much colour, so much faith. Under that effervescent smoke of the dhunuchi the world somehow seems so much clearer. The sound of the dhak sends you into a trance and in a very unique way, humbles you. The Dhunuchi Naach, according to me, is the world’s most graceful dance men ever danced. In honor of a woman. And NOTHING beats the ceremonious lighting of the 108 diyas. And when the air is filled with the sweet smell of the flowers used for the Pushpanjali you just wish, the aroma lingered…for a little longer..


I love it when married women play the sindoor khela. It’s amazing how a pinch of Vermilion signifies the sanctity of the relationship between a husband and a wife. The white saree with the lal border and huge bindis. G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S. That is when you are reminded of the shakti they’re bestowed with. The shakti that gives birth, that nurtures, that protects. And in ways inexplicable those gorgeous smiles add to Her authority. Her beauty. Her dignity.


Robindra Shongeet recitals in the evenings is something I’m dying to watch. The portrayal of Sita in Thakur’s own words is a must.

Like every year, this year, I will pray with ALL my heart. For men all over the world to realize what it takes to be a Woman and how to RESPECT womanhood. To give power to all the women in the world. Let them realize the power of 'I'.

I am Durga.


More from Calcutta..later..till then Shubho Bijoya :)


PS: Did I forget(??) food??? Pandal hopping can leave you salivating and so, Durga Pujo is NEVER complete without food!Be it the Prasad, the richly flavoured daal, the seasoned mangsho, the spicy Khichuri or simply a platter of mishti. Oh-yum-DELICIOUS! :D

PPS: This is bringing out a lovely colour in me! (smug) :D


Of life in short orgasms…


Snow flakes and diamonds
The sharp heels
The perfume that smells of anxiety
The warm eiderdown
Nothing asked, nothing told
God stabbed under her skin
Between acts of a play almost written
The dried paint on her lips
The ringing cash registers
She pretends to dress
As she hums the tune her mother sang her once
And brushes the song off her shooulders
Lost at the cross-roads
Under snow flakes and diamonds

Some Sunday, he'll kiss my cheek and say hello..

Atleast one??

who will not be a lecherous bastard..

who will not grope me when I hug him..

who will help me define who I am..

who will not scoff when I say, I want to pursue religious studies one day..

who will help me solve the Rubik's cube..

who will respect me and my dreams..

Oh let the cynic be. With truth. So yeah, NO. But, maybe, just maybe, YES :)

Some Sunday. North East India. A random Stranger. Open the zipper on those clouds. Paint those mountains purple. Oh, beauty :)

When??

Aware


A 56-year old perfectly healthy guy. No diabetes, no heart problems, no cholesterol. Just BP. Loves his son. Loves his 2 daughters more than the son.

Is pronounced dead on arrival.

While the military van’s (that hit his bike) driver and the traffic police haggle and while others pass by, cursing the stupid accident that has brought the traffic to a standstill and caused them delay, he fought the battle, for two hours. He’s rushed to the GH, where he is not attended to for over half an hour, but somehow they had time to rob him of his gold-chain his loved one had once gifted him.

A perfectly healthy guy. Gone. Just like that. Poof.

Yes, I cursed the system where hospitals still ask you to file an FIR before an accident patient can be admitted to trauma care. Where a person is given NO first aid, but is robbed of his gold chain first. Where people cowardly turn a blind eye to the horror that faces them in the eye. But, before I cursed, I was suddenly VERY aware of the loss. Aware of the fact that it could happen to anybody. To people I love.

PS: The man is my colleague’s father. The only thing she said when I met her was, “why him? HE could’ve have called me”

To Dad...

SUPPORT is not always monetary.

Love,

Bittu

Vagina and the vaster void.


" ....Those like Dr. Mukwege, a Congolese OB/GYN and founder of the Panzi Hospital in Bukavu who has been sewing up women’s and little girl’s vaginas for 12 years as fast as the militias are ripping them apart...."

wept after reading this. Don't have the strength to post it here. Please do read it.

PS: REALLY WANT to watch 'The Vagina Monologues'..I'm SUCH an idiot to have bunked the play while it was being staged here in Chennai. It now stands banned. Why?

Vagina is NOT a bad word you suckers. 'Cowardice' is.

The Truth

We lay naked. Under the same sheet. He held me close. Tight. I felt secure. In one moment he allayed all my fears. He was my truth. And two years later, I was just another girl...

...The scar on my arm burned. I now know the importance of a wound. Its an evidence of the pain inside and when you watch it heal, in some strange way, its comforting.



Mmud-dle-ffud-dlo :D


There are very few friends who change the way you look at life, who change the way you define certain terms, who change the way you look at your own self and who take part with you in every crazy ride of life without questioning. They support you without ever doubting your capabilities, they NEVER say 'no'. And deep down inside, you might never have said it to them, but you know that without them, your life will remain incomplete. For those of you who have put up with my ramblings for 2 years now would by now know S.H.I.L. The one person who has taught me to be optimistic, to be full of life come what may and for whom I’ve changed the way I redefine the term ‘warmth’ :)

To the most genuine and purest friend..to Shilpa :)

And now, presenting Shil Mai’s discourses right here in Blogville..tadaaa :D


Ah..the happy tunes.. :)




So what if my life isn't going on as 'planned'
I've a thump in my toe
So what if my latest crush turned out to be an absolute loser
I've a jiggle in my knee
So what if the guy who secretly likes me isn't saying it out loud
My curls are in a disarray
So what if I'm not going to the US this year
My head's bobbing to and fro


I'm right here..in namma Chennai..with the people I love, in the city I've been all over..the place where I BELONG :)

I'm screaming happy..yes, a little anxious, but very very happy




What's it like to be depressed?
How'd I know?
I've Life to wake up to each day :)

and yes, retaining faith ALWAYS helps







yours 'Blessings are not just for the ones who kneel… luckily..' ingly
Swati


Fly me to the moon...


The moon isn't always visible from my window. But whenever it is, its brighter than ever before. It plays hide and seek at just the right moments making it the perfect day :)

This was the moon from my window day before yesterday. I suddenly wanted to go there..and I played Frank Sinatra and wished he was alive..

"Moon river wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style someday...."




Penned this down for Niki while moon gazing yesterday

In this game of Hide n Seek
As the falling leaf caresses the wind
I look every place to find answers
and I lose myself
With Life and Time as my sole companions
The door opens wide
and I'm found once again

This is a short thank you note for saying just what I needed to hear :)

.

..wants to go back to boy-cut
..wants to go back to her boyish ways
..fails to understand as to why they vie for their attention
..can get all the attention she wants if only she could behave like them
..will brains ever win over boobs/beauty?

..needs:
  • to talk
  • coffee
  • to read
  • a hug

The rains are coming :)

I think I need to head out to the Himalayas, go trekking, tread the untrodden paths. Yeah. That'll give me some peace. Or, maybe I'll grab that last bit of butterscotch ice cream lying in the fridge. Oh yeah :)

PS: 2009 is FINALLY looking up! V is moving to Chennai!! :D :D

Signing off hopping happy :)




Vanilla Chuckles :)


Took that much talked and dreamt about walk on the beach on a dark night with just a lonestar guiding our way :)

Hugs Ch for being the most (un)scrupulous gentleman, the perfect friend, fellow time-traveller and for helping strike yet another wish off the list..you were A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. :) >:D<

Cannot thank Norah Jones enough for 'Lonestar' :)

The sea has stars too..they're called fireflies..they redefine magic.....

yours 'pick up a stone that I cast to the sky...'ly
Swati

Just round the corner...


While trying to find that paradise

On the steps along the way

to that skyscraper

I stood there in the Helium,

Wishing you'd read me

Clapping oh so loudly

as I saw myself up on stage

A patron of self destruction

Plunged the needle into the blister

Expecting blood
And I want

to feel

something.