Winter

A blue quilt.
A blue-er sock.
A cup of hot chocolate.
A wonderful movie.
A warm Sunday morning.
The sameness of another winter day.
I'm groggy...in a joyous way :)

Oh those four!

The Beatles. Need I say more? I cannot imagine my mornings without Sgt Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band and All you need is love. I cannot imagine the drugged evenings without Yellow Submarine and Lucy in the sky with diamonds. The reunions without With a little help from friends. Or the flirtatious Love me do! The distinct While my guitar gently weeps, Yesterday, and Hey Jude. The mystic Fool on the hill, the evergreen Strawberry Fields Forever. And the adrenaline infused Helter Skelter! The soothing four: Let it be :)

I also realized

http://primaxstudio.com/stuff/scale_of_universe/index.php
Humbled!
I hear the Gods colliding :)

I realized

that it's a sin to use 'Hindi movies' and 'Bollywood' synonymously.

Gup-chup: Vagina and the vaster void III

Rape: Thats what happens when you are fully clothed. Or when you show skin. Or indulge in substance abuse. Or you're out minding your own business. Or if you're from a lower class. Or if you have a vagina.

Chup. That's what you'll be asked  to do when you're being raped. Or when you're reporting it. Or when you're fighting it.

I'm appalled at how the son-of-a-bitch Santosh Kumar Singh's death sentence was reduced to life imprisonment 'cuz apparently certain things were in his favor. Oh yeah, I forgot that 'certain' things are indeed in his favor. His dad being a top-notch policewala and that he was a law student thus making him a well educated man. Oh I'm sorry, does rape become pleasurable when done by an 'educated' man? Isn't that showing too much confidence in modern education? Also, I forget, me poor poor child forgets that capital punishment actually helps legitimize rape. The Supreme Court of India says that capital punishment should be awarded in the rarest of rare cases. Hell, I forgot that rape was a common crime being committed every single second. I also forget that rape of certain women should be looked at differently than rape of other women. Like, if you indulge in substance abuse and go out drinking with men, you are asking to be raped. And if you're a gori-maim roaming about our great nation, our men have a license to rape you. So dear Priyadarshini Mattoo, if you're looking down upon us and can read this blog post, you were NOT to study. You were to marry and produce a kid. Of course then, it'd have been marital rape. I'm glad you're not alive to give birth to another rape victim (or rape convict). May your soul fucking rest in peace.

And Navratri starts tomorrow. 9 days of honoring women. Post that, it's just another rape story. All rise and laugh.

I propose public castration. Not capital punishment. And I beg the media to please broadcast it. Live.

Two pictures and the idea of justice

A kite maker in J&K giving 'Indian' colors to the threads. Demand for tricolored kites soar in January and August.

The Indian paramilitary force stands guard in a curfew in Srinagar.

Why does the state continue to burn? What is justice in the sense of the word? Is justice being done to Kashmiris for whom death is an everyday affair? Or is it being done to the paramilitary forces whose days are no less bloodier? And we celebrate India's 63rd Independence. Independent? Really? Call me a cynic. After all, truth has no shades of grey. Oh and also, Jai Hind. 


Pic courtsey: The Hindu

Persistent devotion, tenacious damnation.

Where's my wonder-fuckin-wall? Fabio- put your act together. The exodus is killing. Mr. Omniscient, I'm mocking your thoughtlessness. Dasavataram? Bah. I don't need ten! Just One. Who wouldn't fail me. What now? Faithful retribution?


Oh I feel so bloody blessed. Gaaah.

Devil's advocate?

All I wanna do is gobble all literature on Jinnah. Fascinating man! I want to peep into his mind, adore him and become his aficionado. No other creator of history has charmed me this well. Ok. Except for Hitler. 

Melancholy Murmur

It's been raining in Hyderabad. 
Hyderabad doesn't smell half as pleasant as Chennai during rains. 
But shouldn't Earth smell the same?

..was browsing the Nokia folder and came across this picture I clicked last year in Chennai.


Another week and I'll be home!


I.M.P.A.T.I.E.N.T.

Hope died under my converse, Pink and well, your bucket is your time machine

S: Hey hon!

Me: hellos! wassa?

S: Gah. remember the guy I talked about..HUGE crush btw, had As long as you love me in his iPod's oldies folder

Me(shudders): I swear to Lucifer I'll sing Floyd to my child instead of lullabies. Would save the world a wreck. anyway...off the list?

S: yes :D

Me: Good. 'cuz you know, real men wear Pink :P

S: as in THE pink na? Totally!

Chorus:I want to be your lover 

I wanna wrap you in rubber 

As pink as the sheets that we lay on 

Pink it's my favorite crayon, yeah!!! *squeals of laughter*

Me: Threesome dreams continue?

S: Absolutely. Me, the real man and Steven Tyler! :D

Me: or Tyler Durden :D :D

S:  found a Floyd crooning-hell-heaven-multiverse-sermon speaking soul mate yet?

Me: Meh.

S: non-existent?

Me: No :D

S: so gtalk status msg was...

Me: um..Glee :D 

S: :)..so how's Hyderabad?

Me: Bah. Humbug.

S: Because?

Me: no magic beans :(

S: ah hun..but you know, they're there :)

Me: THAT is true :)

S: so gonna continue staying alone? Not thinking otherwise?

Me: Not unless Leonard Cohen^@@ proposes.

S: Typical.

Me: I know. Men should learn THAT song. That'd DEFINITELY help them score!

S: That's not what I meant and you know it.

Me: No? *evil grin*

S: so? the house set up yet? and people? 

Me: oh long story. You don’t wanna know.

S: try me! :D

Me: Fine. You ask for it. 
While house hunting, the only things I was looking for, was a nice cozy place with abundant natural light, marble flooring and a big big washroom :D But life's bitch slap brought me back to Hyderabad and I was standing in front of my present home which has grey flooring and makes me feel like a cave-woman. Obviously, the house did not have much to offer except for safety. Oh and also, the blue bucket.

S: bucket??

Me: yeah. Apparently, your bucket is your time machine. Or pot of gold. Whichever you take to be more precious.

S: Enlighten?!

Me: Oh just the prev tenants, came about banging the door down (read: asking) for their bucket, mug and broomstick. Thrice!

S: and?

Me: I told them...

S: ?

Me: IT'S JUST A FUCKING BUCKET WHICH YOU PROLLY USED TO WASH YOUR SORRY POSTERIOR AND NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF TIME DID ANYONE REMOTELY SUGGEST THAT I HAD A FRIGGIN' OBLIGATION TO KEEP YOUR LIVES' SAVINGS INTACT. 

S: Proud. You inspire :)

Me: Thankee :)

S: People?

Me: Hypocrites.

S: Career?

Me: BrightER :)

S: :D

Me: heard anything from the insti yet?

S: Yeah! Things are positive :)

Me: congrats! :)

S: you temme? PhD ain't cutting out..MBA? Haas? Wharton? I know things have been grossly unfair in the past two years but still...

Me: Na. Wanna continue working for a bit more. No sweat. Work ex is a must. You know. Like an orgasm.

S: yeah.

Me: M-word doing the rounds yet?

S: Na...pays to be the younger one in the family ;)

Me: no shit! Lucky bitch.

S: you?

Me: none.

S: any new purchase?

Me: Bought In Spite of the Gods. Must read. Soooo wanna buy a new pair of (purple) converse.

S: again?

Me: I'm hopeless :)

S: I know. You hate Pink-the colour. Take care. You're precious :)

Me: so are you :) hugs..Love :)

^{PS: @@} Leonard Cohen: I’m your man. A.W.E.S.O.M.E.-only a girl would know :D

..and it's on and on

Dio passed away. Fuck.
One of the world's greatest. Immortal. Unmatched. Legend.

'...The sooner you'll know that you're dreaming
So it's on and on and on, oh it's on and on and on
It goes on and on and on, heaven and hell
I can tell, fool, fool...'

R.I.P \m/
You.will.be.missed.

Vagina and the vaster void - II

Dedicated to ma/amma/ammi..however you choose to call her..you're my strength and I will ALWAYS look up to you. Much love :)


My first post discussed Eve Ensler's testimony on rape and violence against women in DRC. On mother's day, I happened to watch another of Eve's videos on TED. Here's an excerpt:


And I want to talk about a girl that I just met recently in Bukavu, who was impregnated by her rapist.And she was holding her baby. And I asked her if she loved her baby. And she looked into her baby's eyes and she said, "Of course I love my baby. How could I not love my baby? It's my baby and it's full of love".


How can something born in a moment of absolute hatred, be so full of love? Only a mother would know.

Lady-whatever your name is- you amaze me. Hope that both you and your baby lead a healthy and successful life.


Here's wishing every mother and mother to be, a very happy Mother's day!


Pic Courtsey: http://www.artbywicks.com/
PS: watch the video here

Null Hypothesis

Someone wise said right, "Life is just one damned thing after another". Someone wiser said "It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over" Yes. the latter was a woman who went on to win the Pulitzer prize. 


Its outrageous how much two years can take away from you. Your dreams, a friend, your confidence, a bit of you. And the loss of love leaves a void. Did anyone tell you that just how beautiful the fluttering of love's silken wings feel, its a lot worse when..oh well..turn the music on...Floyd, if you will. Its amazing how Floyd calms me. I digress. 

"Thus ye shall think of all this fleeting world

A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream;

A flash of lightening in a summer cloud,

A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream"

- The Buddha

The flickering lamp has become steady, and life's finding direction again. There is music in the nocturnal sigh of trees. It doesn't always have to be a leap of faith. Sometimes its the smallest step. Like an interview that goes well. Thats how good happens. And when you realise it, its like you wake up each day with the biggest smile on your face. Its in the joy of finding an old photograph.Its in the joy of finally being able to sing the last two lines of an old forgotten song. Its in the longing to get back to Bharatnatyam and pick up where you left. Its in someone reciting to you, your favourite poem or being a critic to a masterful work of Satyajit Ray. Its like collapsing in to a butter puddle and laying there. Its like lying under a sheet with hair all over your face while he plays his composition for you making you feel like a million dollar. Or in having a profound revelation of self in the past 15 minutes. My basic state of being is happy and nobody takes it away from me. 

Its outrageous how much three months can give back. Your dreams, the lost friend, your confidence, and finally, you.

I know I was born, and I know there will be a lapse of existence. The crazy being will remain just what she is. Indecisive, in search of heaven and hell,fickle minded and paranoid. But somethings will remain constant. Like Phi-the golden ratio. 

Null. Phi. Pi.

To the Phi(s) in my life: Ma, Divya and Shilpa - you guys are from another universe :) Blessed.

To the Pi(es) in my life: Bhai, Yukti, Varun, Iago, Mou, Madhu, Arvind and you from NYC (if at all you're reading this!). Yes you are awesome. You don't have the slightest idea how your random messages/calls/talks have inspired me.

To a prospective new career.

To the smoking hot guy who could be a future colleague- another pie [of the other kind ;)]?

To faith being finally revived.

Come Monday.

Fuck the free world.

Carpe Diem.

Fingers Crossed.

Om :)

PS: Is the hypothesis falsified yet?

PPS: The picture was quite a find! There's the dark side of the moon. Ah Floyd. It stalks me :)

Pampered :)

..on women's day :)
thank you for reciting Prufrock to me..with conviction and longing..my most favorite poem in the whole wide world :)


On International Women's Day..a toast to men who know how to respect women :)


Signing Off
Khamakha khush :)

Once bitten, twice shy?

No. I don't want you to recite Nichita Stãnescu

'Tell me, if I caught you one day
and kissed the sole of your foot,
wouldn't you limp a little then,
afraid to crush my kiss?..'

Just sing Floyd to me. Sing it like you mean it. Love Floyd the way I do.
Ask me to watch Kubrick back to back for the entire day. Admire Nicholson's raised eye brows with me. Oh those eyes.
Then let me read Camus to you while we eat dinner.
Talk about God, heaven, hell, karma and the multiverse.

Do all of this throughout the year, for every single day..and we'll call each day, the day of love :)

V-day has come and gone. Once again, felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. What bothered me most was the fact that I'm not giving space to people who seriously deserve it. And I'm just so friggin' ok with being single. Or not. Argh. Scary! Scary and confusing! Why? Why can't it be as simple as Barney's Lemon Law? Yeah, the show is legen-wait for it-dary! :D Big hug to Stinson and co. for keeping me company on the day. And oh.my.god. Scherbatsky is oh.so.hot!

--------------
Birthday was bleh. Stupid job, stupid relocation, stupid Hyderabad, stupid lonely guest house. Worked till 2335 for crying out loud. A forgot the day/calling yet again. Surprisingly, it didn't make any difference. And yet I've not learnt how to let go.

------------

Craving to write something and get back in the groove. But waaaay too much work pressure. Hope I don't cave in!

Laters!

Once

"Once Once
Knew how to talk to you
Once Once
But not anymore

Once, once
I knew how to look for you

Once, once

But that was before

Once, once
I would have laid down to died for you

Once, once
But not anymore"

Tell me honey, will you play the part now? Or are stilettos still more attractive than sneakers? Does the blue ocean still call out to you? Does the purple bougainvillea still remind you of me? Do longer locks still hold the key to your heart?

Tell me honey, what's it like to be lonely in a city? 'Once' I'd have opened my doors for you. Not anymore.

The Joy :)

..of walking
..of walking in the perfect weather
..of making someone smile
..of talking bull-crap
..of talking sense
..of exploring a city
..of watching the Orange moon shine down on you
..of knowing someone
..of your best friend calling you up to say that she loves you
..of feeling good
..of doing nothing
..of weekends
..of realising that life isn't all that bad
..of knowing your history and culture
..of passing by a temple and knowing that faith still exists within you
..of knowing what you want from life
..of knowing yourself

Happy..just happy..no reason :)

Rant-MBA and things.

It's that time of the year again. And once again, everyone's screaming 2 years work ex is a must. Damn the work ex. They make it sound like an orgasm you know..like you have to have it.  Meh.

New Year's was bitter sweet. Bitter 'cuz I treated myself to a pack of Maggie while watching Prison Break. 'cuz people who matter are far far away :(

Sweet 'cuz it's good riddance from B* at my place here at Bangalore. Ah. So much for liberation :)

Johnnie..love you hon. I know I should have been there. Someday :)